How to know if you need counselling

Us humans are strange creatures. We get ourselves tied up in all kinds of knots. There is beauty and love and wonder, but there is also sadness, trauma and hurt. And all that magic, good and bad, takes place somewhere in-between the synapses and chemistry of our brain, which even the scientists and experts are still trying to figure out.

That’s why counselling starts with what its going on for YOU. Because there is no text book or scientific test to make sense of your individual set of circumstances, history and personality traits. You are unique. That’s why I love the “Pluralistic” style of counselling, because it starts with you. Together with the counsellor you go on a journey to find out why you are thinking and feeling and doing what you are – and what might help. It takes knowledge and research from all the schools of psychotherapy and counselling and offers them out on a tasting platter for you to find out what might offer insight and what could help you make the changes you want to see in your life.

Even just saying something out loud to a supportive, non-judgemental counsellor can help you to find new perspectives for yourself, but a counsellor will add to that other perspectives. Perhaps its noticing what is going on in your subconscious, or helping you untangle the thoughts and feelings that feel overwhelming. It can enable an exploration of how thoughts and feelings are playing out for you to make sense of what is going on. It can help get to the bottom of why you do what you do, or feel what you feel, or why your relationships are difficult. There’s usually a lot more going on than our conscious brains allow us to know on a day to day basis.

We all need people around us, from friends and family, to colleagues and acquaintances. Most humans thrive on connections with others, we need it. And for millions of years, as we evolved, these connections were essential for survival in the wild. But in this modern world we seem to be struggling to keep these community connections alive. Friends and colleagues are often too busy, and even if they are listening – it’s hard for them to always be non-judgemental, or keep things confidential. Family members often just want to tell you what they think you should do. Honestly, a lot of the time people just want to talk about themselves, and that’s normal as long as they give you time to talk too.

A counsellor can create a safe space where you will be heard, where you will be seen and not judged. It will be ALL about what is best for you. You can take the time just for you in that hour to vent, explore, discover. The marvel of the human brain is that we create narratives and stories in our heads to make sense of the world. Talking is an essential step in not only releasing internal pressure and stress, but in formulating an understanding of ourselves and the things that have happened to us. It’s this understanding that can then open doors to the changes we need to make, whether that is in the way we think or what we do.

So if you are struggling with something that you feel is stopping you living your best life, maybe now is the time to do something to change it. We spend so much time looking after other people, being busy with work, or distracting ourselves; making sure we look good, or have the material things we need. And these days it’s not just the people around us we need to worry about, it’s the environment, Ukraine, Gaza, Trump… How often do we really stop and give ourselves the time we need? Time to reflect, relax, repair? To do something for you.

You can’t always control what happens in life, or change others; but you can change how you think about it, and how you respond. Sometimes that has ripple effects far beyond what you could have ever imaged.

So, if you don’t have someone in your life who will always listen non-judgementally and support you through self-exploration and change; who will always act in your best interests and bring honest reflections and knowledgeable insight – seeing a counsellor might be just what you need. And if you do have someone like that in your life, lucky you! Cherish them and hold on to them tight!